Just Trying to Fit In


Playing video games in a lot of ways is still like high school to me. There are cliques everywhere, and being the awkward introvert that I am, I find it really hard to fit in any place. I know a lot of people, but don’t dig down into personal stuff about myself, and we (“we” meaning the folks I know on various social media platforms) never seem to play the same game, and when we do, we never play at the same time. Then there’s the whole “I’m awkward” thing. I don’t really feel that I fit in and I never have. People used to ask me if I wanted to do stuff, but me  being me, after so many declines they’ve stopped asking. Trying to find a guild to fit in is a futile effort. I normally end up creating my own guilds with a tiny selection of ‘closer’ friends. Eventually we all move on to other games, having never grouped up or done anything together.

There are exactly three steady played games of mine where this isn’t an issue. One is Wurm Online. I’ve been in the same alliance for years now, and we get along pretty well. People come and go, but the core always remains. Today someone who merged with our alliance mentioned in chat “you guys are weird” – and I said yes, we were, but that I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s completely true, too. My Wurm Online alliance is completely comfortable, and I really treasure the people in it.

The second game is EVE Online. I’ve been in a guild there for about two years now if I recall correctly. I don’t play as often as I’d like to, and my time doesn’t always (ever) match up, but when I’m on and members of the fleet are on I feel comfortable. I don’t end up grouping up very much – but the fleet is alright with that, and they haven’t kicked me out. I like that. I like that they understand.

The third game would be World of Warcraft, and this isn’t because I already have a well established guild or friends playing. Nope, this is because of the LFR mechanic. Blizzard doesn’t let me feel left out of anything. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on something because I’m too awkward to fit in with a crowd. I did join a guild, but they’re completely anonymous to me and go about their own thing. They also never kicked me while I wasn’t playing, which I appreciate. I see friends on my bnet list doing their thing, and I sometimes wish we could all group up and play together – but I know that’s just not how things go for me. I’m always going to be that socially awkward girl who declines invitations but still secretly wishes she got them.

Happy gaming, no matter where you find yourself.

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