The Weekends Are Hardest

The weekends are hardest for me. I see everyone with their families, and mine is incomplete for another 128 days. We tend to fight on weekends. We don’t get much time to talk and what time we do have gets misunderstood because text is really no way to have a relationship. He’s bogged down with the difficulties of depot, and I’m trying to raise our (almost) one year old son alone. We normally lean on each other, and we can’t do that right now, although we both try. I’m exhausted from day to day activities, and so is he, even though we’re doing completely different activities. We talk less than an hour a week.

It’s temporary, I know. I remind myself like a mantra. One more day. One more day. One more day. Some days are harder than others. Like immunization day that’s coming up. That’s going to be a rough one. They’re all hard on some level because it’s never easy to be away from your partner, but you develop a routine and things become a bit ‘normal’ for that situation. I don’t cry quite as much but I certainly still cry. Silly things still set me off. Like Friday nights. Normally we’d be gaming together, getting ready to relax. He’d give our son a bath and then read him Dr. Seuss books while I took a break. I’d take over and nurse and then put our son to bed while my husband relaxed at his desk and decompressed after a long 12-14 hour day at work. We’d each talk about our day. Laugh at stupid stuff that no one else would find funny or understand.

I miss the simple things. You never expect to miss farts, but I miss those. He says he misses changing diapers and I believe him. I miss cooking for more than just one person. I miss having someone to split the chores with. I love our son but I miss having a break. I miss just talking. I miss listening to him breath at night. He missed our son learning to sit up, learning to crawl, eating a billion different types of new food. He feels guilty about it but timing has never smiled upon us in life so we just have to make due and keep going forward. One more day. One more day. One more day.


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