I decided to play around a bit with DAZ and do some 3D rendering. I used to a long time ago, but it has been ages and I didn’t have any art assets any more. I keep thinking maybe I’d like to get back into art, and I know it takes practice – but I also have a LOT of hobbies (too many?) and finding time to do everything along with a 2 year old and a 4 year old, is pretty much impossible. Something has to give.
Category: Real Life
I sort of stumbled down a rabbit hole this week. A few tools that all work well together let me create some animated WoW pieces, which is tons of fun. Pictured above is WoW Model viewer, which can be used with WoW tools, and blender.
I really wish I had more time to play with this stuff.
When I look back on my life over the past 10 years, I’m astounded at how much has changed. I can honestly say that EVERY single aspect of my life is different than it was 10 years ago.
10 years ago I was in a relationship with a man who didn’t want children – we had been together almost 12 years. I didn’t know he didn’t want children. I very much wanted children. I always have. We finally came to an impasse, and I left the relationship. At the time I thought that was the most difficult decision I had ever made.
I then decided to move across the country, leaving behind family & friends to give a chance to a man I had known for the better part of a decade as a friend. I also got a job with Carbine Studios. Turns out it was meant to be, so five years ago I started dating the man, the job with Carbine lasted much shorter, I left after three years. A year after that, 4 years ago, we got married. Then we had our first kid. He joined the RCMP, and we moved from our home to a new province. We had our second kid. Then we moved again to a Northern isolated post. Nothern like there are no paved roads here. Groceries is a 6h round trip (minus the time to shop). Internet is 5mb/s maximum. It has been a difficult adjustment but not for the reasons I thought.
In between those times I started to teach myself to knit, I learned to code, I brushed up on my French, I bought an antique circular sock knitting machine and taught myself how to use it. I taught myself how to spin fiber into yarn. I’m currently learning how to use an electronic knitting machine from 1980. I started getting involved in the fiber community. We learned our son has autism.
I’ve never been so surrounded by people and yet felt so alone in my entire life. I never feel like I fit in. I never feel like I’m able to connect to people. I try, I try to learn about them and listen to issues and be there, but my time is so incredibly wrapped up around my children and my husband’s schedule that there isn’t a lot of time for ‘me’ in there, and when there is, no one is around.
I’ve been struggling very hard for the past four years. Having a child with special needs is difficult enough but remove all form of support, family, and friends and you’re left with startlingly little. I like to think I’m a strong woman but honestly, I’m not. I have been failing in everything I touch. That’s probably part of the reason I bounce around video games, I’m a jack of all trades and a master of none. I just can’t seem to settle down in any aspect of life.
Anyway, no real reason for this post, I just needed to get it out a bit. Life is hard. The pandemic stuff has been hard. I feel like every day is a struggle and even talking to people professionally about what is going on has not been helping because there’s just always SO MUCH going on. I try not to have regrets, but I definitely have regrets.
Much like real life, in game, I also like to organize things. I like spreadsheets and documents and a semblance of order to the chaos that is gaming. Lately I’ve felt very little of this because let’s face it, my entire life is run by two toddlers and a police enforcement husband. I don’t sleep when I want to sleep, I don’t eat when I want to eat, my life is controlled by schedules that are not my own and that can get very frustrating.
I also have a lot of hobbies, so if I don’t have that organization then some of those hobbies tend to fall by the wayside. I like to hand knit, I like to use my circular sock knitting machine, and I’m trying to teach myself to use my flatbed knitting machine. I love to spin yarn, which is a whole process into itself with preparation and completion of yarn. I love to read, not that you’d ever know it. I have also been known to do a cross stitch or two in my day – and I also love to draw, though that talent is one I have barely touched in the last 20 years. I had dreams of re-learning it and I even bought a beautiful tablet to do so but I’ve made zero progress.
You can’t get better at things if you don’t dedicate time towards it. You can’t improve without practice. Unfortunately we’re also limited by the time we have available and with all of these hobbies I enjoy – plus gaming – I’m finding it even harder to find a little ‘me’ time wedged in there. The point? I don’t know if I really have one except to say that the more organized I am in my day to day life, the happier I am. I just wish sometimes it were easier.
The name of the blog has changed, but I’m still here, 14 years later. I can honestly say that not a single thing is the same as it was 14 years ago – except – the games I’m playing. I played EverQuest, EverQuest II, WoW, EVE, and I still bounce around those games today. Nostalgia, it’s a hell of a drug.
In 14 years I’ve moved 7 times. I’ve lived in three provinces. I left a 12 year relationship. I got married. I had two kids. I’ve taught myself to knit, crochet, spin, and play guitar. I started teaching myself coding. I started going to school for victim services coordinator. I’ve seen a pandemic, and protests. I’ve seen some good things in the world – and bad. I’ve made amazing friends, and I’ve lost some amazing friends too.
I still love video games but my time is far more precious to me than it used to be, and scarce. I thought back before kids that I “had no time for anything” – turns out I had ALL the time. I truly didn’t realize it. I still enjoy blogging as much as ever but it tends to fall by the wayside. I AM still here though.
Hopefully, for 14+ more.
Welp. I haven’t written since the 1st of May – though I may go back and change that with backlogs, we’ll see. Why haven’t I written? There’s a number of reasons but the first one is because I simply haven’t had the brain power or the time.
We’re under lockdown with covid-19 and have been for some time. Complete lockdown. We can’t even go out of the community for groceries. At the same time that all of ‘that’ happened, we got the official diagnosis for my son – autistic, echolilalo, and learning disability.
At the same time as that, our basement flooded with sewage, the tire to the car was flat, and other every day things all happened. All the things. All at once. It has been too much for me. Wait, no, saying it has been too much for me is an understatement.
There’s no family or friends to help and there’s no escaping the stress because we’re not allowed to go anywhere, so I’ve been trying to maintain some semblance of normal by knitting, spinning, gardening, taking care of the family – but absolutely nothing is ‘normal’ these days, and I dislike everything about this new way of life we have.
Hopefully I get back to blogging soon.
Strawberries, cucumber, onions, and spinach. Here’s hoping the harden does well this year!
I wish I had more time to do things I enjoy. A lot of people are off work and talking about all these things they’re accomplishing, but me, I have the kids to handle and all the house work and with my husband working incredibly long hours there’s no relief from any of it.
I love to knit, spin, read, draw, game, and play guitar. I want to use an app or my BulletJournal to dedicate time to each of these things weekly, but even THAT takes (you guessed it) time.
Not a good time here lately.
The image above is taken from Reddit, where I have fallen into the rabbit hole of BulletJournals once again. I absolutely love to have everything written and scheduled out, even if I don’t follow the directions, they’re simply nice to have. There have been a ton of covid-19 themed layouts, as well as (of course) Animal Crossing. So cute!