Category: Real Life Page 2 of 27

Health Challenge Update

I was expecting to do a weigh in this week, but then lady stuff happened and as all ladies know this causes massive bloating and water retention so I decided instead of getting depressed at the scale, I’d check another time. There’s just no use in beating myself up.

The challenge for January has been no fast food (no take out). I’m on day 16 (doing this with my husband) and so far we haven’t had any. On bad days it’s especially difficult because we both crave the comfort and ease that fast food brings. I don’t exactly have a lot of spare energy and meal planing isn’t high up on my list of must-do’s. Last I checked I was down 4lbs, and that’s a good start (all water weight I’m sure). Next month the challenge is no pop/chips/candy and hopefully also carrying over the no take out food habits that I learned from this month. It just won’t be a steady rule.

I also started wearing my fitbit again. I have a Charge HR (though I’d like to save up for one of the newer models) and I’ll admit that I’m less curious about my daily steps and more curious about my heart rate and sleep habits. I get on average 5-6 hours of sleep a night, problem is none of those hours is more than 1h long because I’m constantly waking up to nurse, deal with kids, or just insomnia. Not fun. My heart rate is pretty good, resting at 72 (spikes at 74 on some stressful days) which is above average for my age group. It used to be much higher when I weighed more.

My steps average 2500 a day, some days are over and some are under. I don’t really care about how many steps I take because fitbit can’t see that 90% of those steps are with me carrying my 6 month old, or hauling the 2 year old around or playing with both of them, cleaning, carrying laundry, doing dishes, that sort of stuff. It’s just a good approximation. Sure, I’d love to get in the 10,000 steps a day that is recommended – but it’s -35C outside and I’m not keen on taking my children out in that, so we do what we can.

Do I feel healthier? Not yet. Not especially. I feel pretty tired and worn out, but that seems to be my new norm. I guess we’ll just have to see the scale next week.

I Just Want it to Work

Time is precious to everyone, but when a majority of it is eaten up by kids, some things change. For me, that things is I simply don’t have the hours free any more to try to fix stuff that doesn’t work.

My computer was a major issue. Trying to find the time to solve why it wouldn’t start up ended up being a week long endevour. I can’t just ignore my family to work on it.

This week, it was my old fitbit charge HR. It should have been simple. Plug it in and charge it, put the receiver into my PC, link the device to my profile and ta da. Instead my PC refuses to acknowledge the device, though it works well enough on my laptop (an issue with bluetooth and windows 10 I’m told). Now it doesn’t want to hold a charge, and I’ve been troubleshooting what I can but there’s just no way for me to spend hours trying to diagnose the problem.

At this stage of my life I just want things to work. I want them to work as they should, out of the box, without having to spend hours and hours figuring it out. That’s one of the main reasons I contemplated going to a pre-built gaming laptop rather than futz around with my PC (again).

It feels like for a lot of things, that’s just too much to ask.

Getting Healthy Together with Challenges

One of my 2019 goals is to get back to my pre-baby weight. I gained an enormous 70lbs with my second child, and I’ve lost 35lbs of it, which leaves me with roughly 40lbs to lose this year. My husband also wants to get more fit, his job requires him to be in the best shape he can be. I decided that we should have monthly mini challenges we do together to motivate and inspire each other, along with one major challenge for the year. Unique to each of our goals, they’ll reward us with non-food rewards for a job well done.

My year-long goal is of course to lose the 40lbs. The reward? A peloton, something I’ve wanted for a few years now. The monthly goal for January is to go the entire month without eating any fast food. With two young kids we have a habit of grabbing whatever is fast and easy for ourselves, spending far more money than we have to and eating food that doesn’t exactly give us the most nutritious of starts.

If I acomplish this goal for the month of January, I get to buy some yarn – which I am very excited about. Initially I had decided on just a single skein, but my husband decided it should have a monetary value of $100. Each month the goal changes but hopefully leaves us with better eating habits. February I might be able to eat fast food but I’m hoping that because I’ve abstained through all of January the urge to eat poorly will be reduced. By December I’m hoping to be 40lbs lighter with much healthier food choices.

Will it work? No idea. In 2016-2017 I lost 70lbs (after the birth of our first) so I know it’s not an impossible task, but things are so much more hectic with 2 children instead of 1 and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up. At least I’m trying.

Pressure & Mommy guilt

(Above – me and Nugette. Motherhood is not glamorous, it’s exhausting)

I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my 2nd child now, and we’re just starting to get into our new routine which of course changes pretty much daily. It’s a delicate balancing act of child care, self care, and care for my partner. Friends and family have fallen by the wayside during this time since I just can’t keep up with everything / everyone. The funny thing is I expect that I should.

There’s so much pressure on women and mothers to be as perfect as they possibly can during what is quite honestly the most difficult transition in my entire life. Having one child was pretty rough considering he was premature – but I had my husband by my side for 8 months of paternity leave. This time he was only off for 6 weeks, and then went back to work leaving me with two children under two. Add the terrible two tantrums that my oldest has been going through, the fact that he still isn’t talking, and a plethora of other “issues” and I’m feeling a TON of “mommy guilt” – those moments of “we should have gotten out more, I should have made a healthier meal, I should have paid more attention to xyz thing, I should have cleaned the house” etc. While I’m not a fan of the catch phrase, it’s a thing. We feel a lot of guilt. I’m told this guilt will last right up until I no longer exist. Figures.

One thing I’ve been trying to do for myself, is lose the baby weight I gained. I gained a whopping 70 pounds with baby number two. I decided very early on that I wasn’t going to pay too much attention to my weight so long as I was feeling well and baby was growing, because our first was so underweight and I had so many complications. I’ve lost 32lbs so far, but I’m also nursing, so I’m trying to eat healthy and eat enough to keep up energy levels chasing after the toddler and running the house and – eventually, something is probably going to give.

I’m trying to give myself some leeway, not be so hard, remind myself this is all a phase – but it’s hard. In fact that is how I sum up my days. Hard. I know they’ll get easier as the newest edition learns to sleep through the night, as the oldest learns to express himself and communicate via something other than screaming at the top of his lungs, and eventually we’ll find our routine. I’m thinking around Christmas things will be feeling better, so check back on me then.

Oh, combine this with living in a new remote location where I know no one and have no friends or family.. yup. We’re managing, but I wish I were handling it all better.

Sadness. Slipping. Afraid to speak up. Afraid to inconvenience. Wrapped up in their own happenings, I observe. I know their stories. I hear their cries. I reach out.

They don’t. Stop expecting them to. Stop this preconceived notion that they should be a certain way. Stop being disappointed.

No family. No friends. No sleep. Just thoughts. Too many thoughts.

Enough.

Admitting Defeat

We’re into August now, and my posts for the month including Blaugust posts have been pretty sparse. Turns out I was too ambitious in my desires for this month, and I have to admit defeat. First of all, as much as I LOVE the idea of 365 days of creativity, I just can’t do it. I’m healing from my c-section, nursing every 2h, and raising my 22 month old which leaves maybe 1h a day of “mommy time” when I’m not trying to get some sleep/a shower/food. I don’t expect this to change for the next few weeks (months?). Then there was Blaugust, which I signed up for as a mentor. I feel so remote and distant from everyone else who is happily chattering away on discord, sharing their posts and motivating each other to get the blog stuff done (and podcasts, and all sorts of neat other stuff). I just can’t do it.

Add to it the postpartum depression I’ve been trying to deal with, and I simply can’t. My plate is full, I’m out of spoons, and life is just too hard right now.

I’ll try to keep posting here and there when I can because it’s therapeutic to get my thoughts out, but I’m officially admitting defeat to taking on tasks for the rest of the year, and if you don’t see me around twitter/discord/etc much, well, you know why.

Happy gaming, no matter where you find yourself.

Blaugust Reborn – Deciding to Blog

There are tons of reasons that people start blogging – and there’s no one right reason, there’s just the reason that is right for you. When I started 12 years ago (holy crap, it has been a while) I just knew I wanted a little space on the internet to get some thoughts out about EverQuest 2. At the time I was not playing anything else and blogging was becoming a popular way to get out there. I didn’t care about how many people read, whether they left comments, and I certainly didn’t think about where the blog would take me.

I stuck with it (obviously, I’m still writing) and have been incredibly surprised at how rewarding it is. For me, persistence has been key (despite the fact that I blog far less frequently now than I ever have).

I still don’t worry about how many people stumble into my little corner, I still write just for me. I do accept the occasional advertisement that emails me (more about the controversy of this in another post) but my base reasons for blogging have shifted slightly. I now write as a way to relieve some stress and create a record of memories that I can look back on. I no longer blog about EQ2 (or even keep my posts video game related) and instead embraced the fact that I’ve got multiple hobbies. All of this is perfectly fine. You can have one reason or a hundred reasons to get your thoughts out there but I do want to stress the fact that if you want to keep at it, and not just give up after the first week, or month, that you should set it into some sort of a routine. Getting a quick post out before work, or making a post on your drive with some voice technology, or even having a waterproof whiteboard in the shower to jot down those important ideas will all help.

If you’re not having fun with it, re-assess why you’re blogging and try not to berate yourself or stress yourself out. Some days you just may not feel like it – and that’s OK too! You don’t need to have it figured out right away, and your blog will certainly go through some changes over time. Just keep true to yourself and what you want from the experience.

Two under Two

My first pregnancy was a really difficult one. There were flights to hospitals for neural tube tests, a lot of weight loss and sickness, and an under weight birth that was 5 weeks early. The difficulties continued as he developed colic that lasted a few months and lets just say he is a very stubborn child. I wouldn’t give it all up for anything, but they were not easy times. My husband had 8 months of paternity leave and without his support, there’s no way I would have survived.

My second pregnancy was a huge surprise after the issues we had with our first. It took us two years with help of fertility specialists the first time around. It was certainly different for our second. Healthy, no problems, but the history of my past always lurking in the background causing a lot of stress.

Now I’ve got 2 under 2, as the term goes, and I’m finding new difficulties. My husband only has three weeks off work instead of 8 months, and I’m healing from a c-section. We’re in a new town, in a new province, and have no support system set up. I still don’t drive (I was working on my beginners). How on earth am I going to survive and keep these precious children alive? That’s a question that honestly passes through my mind hourly at this stage, hence my decision to blog about it and get my feelings out. I suffered from horrible postpartum depression last pregnancy, and I’m terrified of going down the same road this time, too. I can’t be the mother I need to be if I can’t take care of myself.

This morning I told my husband to sleep in 2 hours, so I could handle the breakfast routine on my own and see how I do. He’s close by in case I need help, but I know that in just two weeks I’ll have to do this for real, and I want to know I can do it. Healing from my c-section is honestly the hardest part at this point. I’m sore. I can’t lift up my son for another 4 weeks, and he doesn’t understand what the heck is going on in his world.

I hope I can do it.

Day 10 – I helped create that

My daughter was born July 18th and that’s probably the most creative thing I’ve done all year. Posts may be sporadic, but I’ll try to keep up. So far the most difficult part is that my son, who is 22 months old, doesn’t understand what the heck is going on. We’ll get there though.

Day 9 – Caribbean-Spiced Veggie & Sausage Skewers

The final meal that I was trying out from Hello Fresh was these delicious looking pork sausage skewers. The potato salad threw me off because it’s made with very simple but odd to me items. It was mayo (real stuff, not miracle whip stuff), white wine vinegar, sugar, red onion, parsley, and potato. Red ones this time instead of the yukon yellows that I had in the first meal.

Still, the flavours were fantastic. It was a bit spicy for my husband, but I didn’t mind it too much. Since we don’t have a grill and I ended up ruining the oven temporarily, I used our little flat top counter grill to cook the kabobs. I did find that the meat portion was lacking slightly in this rendition. They give you 8 skewers, but I was only able to make 6 with the portions of meat I had on hand. Maybe I cut them too large, but they seemed to be the proper size for the item mentioned.

As I mentioned yesterday, it was $32 for 6 meals (3 meals for 2) and I couldn’t really go wrong taking it for a test. None of the meals were especially fancy, they were all easy to prepare, took 30 minutes or less to cook, and were all enjoyable. We’ll see how the next trial turns out (Good Food, which I have honestly never heard of before) and then maybe we’ll stick with one for a bit to make things easier at home while I continue to heal from my c-section and watch two children under two.

Bon appetit!

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén